Just Married? Being Overwhelmed Post-Marriage is Normal

Marriage is considered an important milestone in an individual’s life. From the time you get engaged till the wedding, there’s so much happening that you almost get lost in a frenzy. Everything revolves around you, and then suddenly your D-day arrives, you’ve walked down the aisle, and said “I do”. Now what? You might think it’s only going to be a bed of roses from here on. Give it a few days and the ordinariness of married life will kick in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying marriage is a bad thing. All I’m trying to convey is that postnuptial depression is real. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed after the wedding bells have rung.

A Personal Story

Let me narrate a personal incident. I got married in April 2022. However, my wedding was fixed in November 2021. The moment the dates were announced, I started working relentlessly towards planning my wedding. After all, I wanted it to be a certain way. I worked each day planning different aspects of my wedding, speaking to vendors etc. After five months of continuous planning, it was time for the big day. No doubt it was extremely beautiful and exactly the way I wanted it. At that point, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. I’m sure every new bride feels that way.

A couple of days into the wedding, there was an uncanny silence. My husband resumed work, I was in my “new” house trying to figure things out and I no longer had to deal with gazillion vendors. An overwhelm had set in and I started feeling very disoriented. For a few days, even when I woke up every morning, I used to ask myself where I was. The feeling was so weird that I actually Googled “post-wedding blues”. Thankfully, something like this did exist and at that point I was glad I wasn’t the only one. It’s a totally normal phenomenon every new bride experiences.

A lot of people call it post-wedding depression. It’s a feeling of deep sadness after days of celebration. It also occurs because the feeling has finally sunk in that the wedding is over and the marriage has begun.

If you’re a new bride experiencing this, let me tell you it’s normal. The feeling won’t last too long. It’s often situational and short-lived. Also, studies suggest that brides more than grooms are inundated by it. If you feel like it’s taking over your life, do something about it as it can negatively impact your married life.

Reasons Why you feel Overwhelmed Post-Marriage

• You’re expected to adjust to your new life
• Suddenly your last name changes in all official records
• You experience a sea of emotions – from extreme happiness to extreme sadness
• You miss your parents and the feeling of leaving your birth home hasn’t sunk in
• You’re still adjusting to your new setup, new home, etc.
• People are showering you with unconditional love
• You’re thinking about how the wedding went
• There is a sudden loss of wedding-focused activities
• Reality kicks in and you have to return to normalcy, everyday chores, job responsibilities and bills
• There is a sudden lost sense of individuality
• Change is an unavoidable guest
• Your in-laws have unrealistic expectations from you
• Transitioning to a new life and role can also lead to an existential crisis

These are a few things I experienced post my wedding and if you’re a new bride, you’ll definitely relate to most of them. Don’t blame yourself for anything as all these feelings are normal.

Emotions you’re likely to Experience if you’re dealing with Post-Wedding Blues

As a new bride, you may be happy with your new life and spouse. However, your brain keeps sending you signals reminding you of your life before marriage, your friends and your bachelorette. During this phase, here are a few emotions you’re likely to experience:

• Boredom: Post-wedding you might have more free time than you know, especially if you quit your job months before. It’s a weird space as you need to set new goals. Thus, you might experience a little boredom till you 100% figure out what you want to do.
• Anxiety: During your post-wedding phase, you might also worry about your finances. Now it’s not just your goals and aspirations but your spouse’s too. Money is an important subject and it’s okay to worry a little. However, don’t get too worked up. Just focus on your goals.
• Frustration: You only realise how a person is when you live with him. This is very true as far as marriage is concerned. Perhaps, he’s much messier than you or has different habits. It can be frustrating but remember you signed up for this and you eventually have to accept each other’s flaws.

Tips to Handle Post-Wedding Blues

To beat the aftermath of your special day, keep the following tips in mind:

• Keep in mind that a wedding and marriage are two different things. Once your big day is over, shift your excitement of having lived the best day of your life to working towards creating a fulfilling life with your partner.
• Even if you’ve known your partner for years, you need to work towards redefining your relationship. Keep in mind that this is a new phase for them too. Therefore, find comfort and intimacy to beat the sadness.
• Lastly, instead of bottling up your feelings post-marriage, process them. During this period of transition, speak to your friends often and make every day count.

Conclusion

If you’re someone whose taken wedding vows recently, it may be difficult to defeat postnuptial blues completely. However, you can prevent it from taking over your marital bliss. For this, you should get adequate rest, exercise frequently and communicate with your partner constantly. Take time to plan your honeymoon and other social gatherings so that you’re occupied. A few months later, once you get used to your new surroundings, it will also seem like a dream and you will soon find yourself feeling happier, and the overwhelming feeling will disappear.