Coping Mechanisms for Newlywed Girls

So, after months of planning the wedding of your dreams and marrying the love of your life, it’s time to usher in your new beginning as a married couple. Contrary to the “happily ever after” depiction of marriage in fairy tales and films, the reality is slightly different. In the first few months, a couple is still in their honeymoon phase. Your Instagram account may be filled with cuddly photos, cheesy captions and tonnes of PDA (Public Display of Affection). Well, it’s not a bad thing. Marriage brings a whirlwind of emotions. You’re obviously happy to have found the one for yourself. However, don’t get too comfortable in this phase.

The real deal begins when you have to tackle the myriad challenges that come your way. After all, marriage isn’t a bed of roses. Don’t get intimidated by the word challenges. Moving out of your parents’ home into a new house, developing familiar relationships with your in-laws, managing finances and getting used to a new environment all together can be daunting. Needless to say, the first year of marriage can cause an undue amount of stress. However, don’t lose hope. In the quest of enjoying marital bliss, there are some coping mechanisms newlywed girls can seek to ensure the first year of marriage sails through smoothly.

10 Secrets, Tricks & Tips for happy married life and a Stress-free First Year of Marriage

From relationship advice to marriage counselling tips, we’ve chalked out some sure-shot coping methods:

1. Open Communication is Key

A crucial step to become comfortable with your partner and in-laws is communicating. If you’re experiencing any bouts of stress, share the feeling with your better half. When you empathize with each other, it’s easier to create a sense of emotional intimacy. Focus on having open and honest communications. If you miss out on this part, believe us, it can be very difficult to adjust later.

A lot of newlywed girls hold their thoughts and feelings back in an attempt to not sound rude. Well, if you don’t voice out your opinion when the issue is fresh, it can turn into a pile of problems later. However, refrain from back answering. If there’s something bothering you, speak to your partner or mother-in-law about it. This is also a great way to build a rapport with people around you. In the process of communicating, you might find similar interests, likes and dislikes which will further strengthen your bond.

2. Compromise is Necessary

As much as marriage is about communication, it is about compromise. Did we just remind you of Seema Taparia from Indian Matchmaking? Well, we don’t really mean a girl has to give up all her dreams or compromise every aspect of her life. Compromise simply means that one person in a marriage cannot have their way all the time. Early in your marriage, it is important to understand that there will be compromises.

Sometimes it may be you, sometimes it may be your husband. In fact, the process may start even before your wedding. If certain thoughts and goals don’t match, either of you may be required to compromise. For instance, you may have a particular wedding venue in mind but he likes something else. You can’t have two venues, right? So, either you or him will have to adjust. There are a lot of other parameters that also come into play here such as budget, proximity, etc. Compromise is not necessarily bad. Sometimes, it can even work in your favour.

3. Discuss Finances Openly

Finance is one of the factors that contributes to newlywed stress. You may have just had the most lavish wedding, a pricey affair and all that jazz. However, you can’t go on with this opulent lifestyle. Your parents paid for all this. Now it’s time for you to play the part and manage your life with your partner wisely. Therefore, even before the wedding, it is important to get on the same page about finances. Be open about your paycheck and financial situation. Discuss your financial goals.

Gone are the days when a man would be the sole breadwinner for the family. Today, women have an equal role to play. You can’t expect your man to keep earning and you spend all that money on your makeup stash. You have to find a balance somewhere. Lay everything out on the table: numbers, goals, feelings, everything. Discuss how you’re going to pay rent, the bills and any other household-related expenses. Making your marriage work is an equal effort. Thus, if something doesn’t work, refrain from pointing fingers at each other. Spend wisely, cultivate the habit of saving, and you’ll definitely stay stress-free.

4. Keep up with your Girlfriends

We cannot stress enough on the importance of female friendships. When you start experiencing marital bliss, you may not find the need to hang out with your girlfriends. You may be so invested in your partner and your new life that everything else might seem delusional. However, the sooner you snap out of this phase, the better for you. Even after you’re married, maintain all your pre-marriage friendships. Plan a girls’ trip, go for dinners or you could even invite them home. Spending quality time with the people you love can expand your support network. During a time when you’re experiencing relationship stress or strain, you’ll still be supported by your girlfriends.  

5. Make Time for Date Nights

When we say step out of the honeymoon phase, we don’t mean you should ditch the romance. The trick is to keep it alive while balancing everything else. It’s good to step out of your routine at least once a month. You may have plenty of binge-watching sessions and pyjama parties. However, make it a point to do something out-of-the-box. Get dressed and go out on a date, plan to watch a movie, a play, a concert or go on a hike. Do something crazy that brings out the good side in each of you.

6. Get Intimate & Be Passionate

To the outside world, it might seem like newlyweds can’t take their hands off each other. Well, hardly! Honestly speaking, it’s just the initial few days. Once a couple gets set into their routine, they tend to get tired and lazy. This can even mean not getting intimate for weeks. However, don’t let that fire in you fizzle out. Of course, marriage doesn't mean getting hot in bed all the time. But sex is incredibly important. A lot of newly wed girls even get stressed in the first year of marriage when they’re not getting enough action. Sex can deepen your love and bond. Make time in your routine to get physically intimate. Don’t plan it, let it happen naturally. If you feel too pressurised about having sex, you’re not going to enjoy it at all. Try something new in bed each time that will keep that spark alive.

7. Learn to Navigate In-law Relationships

When you get married, navigating new family relationships can be complicated. Your in-laws might have certain expectations from you and vice-versa. They might expect you to follow certain rules or might have some relationship advice for you. Honestly speaking, problems might arise wherein certain thought processes don’t match or you don’t get along with them or any other family member. Whatever the case, try not to talk bad about them. Speaking negatively about your in-laws can put your partner in a difficult situation.

The best way to maintain your relationship with them is by getting clear on the boundaries early in your marriage. If you don’t want them to interfere in certain affairs or want your privacy, speak to them about it. Be respectful and they will understand. As a newlywed couple, you might be invited to several dinners. However, after one point it can be physically and mentally exhausting. Your relationship with your in-laws should be such that even if you want to turn down an invitation or not go to a certain place, they shouldn’t get offended. Initially, you might want to make them happy. However, if it’s getting a bit too stressful, speak to them. Here are a few more tips that will help you establish an amicable relationship with them:

• Make a constant effort to get to know your in-laws
• Respect them for who they are and not what you want them to be
• As are as possible avoid comparing them to your own parents
• Be respectful, communicate with them often and resist the urge to talk negatively
• Appreciate them as often as you can

8. Respect Each Other’s Differences

As a newlywed, you don’t have to be clingy. This can annoy your partner. A secret to make a marriage work is giving each other enough breathing space. Don’t feel bound. Remember, no two people are the same. Not even siblings. For example, maybe your husband’s idea of a Saturday night is to stay home, grab a couple of beers and watch a football game. On the other hand, you may be the more the socialising kind. Instead of fighting over it, find a midway. You both can probably balance the staying in and going out. Marriage is all about finding that common ground.

9. Share the Load

Marriage is also about sharing the load. Not just finances but responsibilities and chores too. Indian men have this mentality that cooking, cleaning and raising the kids is a woman’s job. However, times have changed and men have an equal role towards contributing to the welfare of a home. All responsibilities should be viewed as a team activity. Ensure all the chores are equally divided. Either of the partners should not be treated as a slave. Handling daily tasks together enhances physical and emotional health. For instance, if you’re cooking, maybe your husband can do the dishes. Sharing the load reduces the stress in a marriage.

10. Don’t Ever go to Bed Upset

There are fights in every marriage. Instead of stretching it too far, try and resolve them when they happen. Solve it before you go to bed at least. Don’t let ego come in the way. Even if it’s not your fault, be the bigger person and talk it out. It’s all about venting. Add a touch of humour, sweet words or simply kiss and make up. If you’re saying ‘sorry’, make sure you mean it.

As a newlywed girl, this is the time for you to create the foundation of your marriage. Remember, every successful union requires consistency, dedication and effort. Following these coping mechanisms will ensure your marriage goes a long way. The survival of a marriage is in the hands of both the partners. As they say, “It takes two hands to clap”.

Cheers to a Happy & Stress-free Married Life!