Things you Shouldn’t Hesitate to Talk about with your Mother-in-Law

A good marriage isn’t just about investing in your relationship with your partner. It’s also about building a relationship with his parents. As much as your parents matter to you, his parents matter to him. Thus, getting to know your in-laws will build the foundation of your marriage. In my case, I had known my in-laws for years before I took the plunge into marriage. This made the conversation around the table super-seamless. However, not everyone has a friendly relationship with their in-laws. There can be a few pauses and awkward silences when you’re speaking with them.

Whether you live with your in-laws or not, figuring out how to get the conversation flowing is of utmost importance. Initially, it can even get confusing as you really may not know what to chat about. It can be even more daunting if your MIL is a fussy and difficult person.

Well, my only advice would be to think of your mother-in-law as your own mother, and then starting a conversation would be as easy as pie. You can start by getting to know her and discussing generic things. Once there is some kind of rapport between the two of you, you can get down to confiding in her or talking about anything that is troubling you.

Conversations you Must have with your Mother-in-Law

• The “kids” topic

If it’s been a year since you’re married, your mother-in-law especially will ask you to start planning for a baby. She might want a grandchild but if you’re not ready yet, it’s better to let her know. Before you speak with her, let your partner know. You need to put your point across without sounding rude. Keep calm and stay polite throughout the conversation. You might be a bit hesitant, however, let her know that you and your partner have already discussed “kids” and are not ready yet.

• Attending family dinners

As a newlywed, you’re likely to be invited to family dinners and functions every now and then. Initially you might go only to please your in-laws. However, if this becomes a routine, you need to let them know. Casually mention it to your mother-in-law that besides her family, you even have yours. If each day of yours is going in attending some family function or the other, you won’t get to spend enough time with your partner either. Tell her when you’re tired and don’t feel like going to a certain place. At no point you should feel guilty for your absenteeism.

• Don’t come over unannounced

If you don’t live with your in-laws, you need to set a few healthy boundaries. Just like your parents want to meet you, his parents may want to meet him as well. However, that doesn’t mean they barge into your house any time they want. When you’re talking to your MIL, assure her that she is always welcome to come by but you’d prefer to know ahead of time. She will get what you’re trying to say. If you’re feeling a bit guilty as you speak you can even reason out by saying that you may be busy with work or with a plan. There’s nothing wrong in asking for privacy.

• Ask for advice when you need it

To really build a bond with your mother-in-law, ask for her advice when you need it. Now that you’re in a new environment, you may not have the time to call your mom for everything. Don’t hesitate to ask for any kind of advice. Whether you want advice on clothes or cooking, ask her and she will be happy to help. Since your in-laws have been married for years, you can even ask them their secrets to a successful marriage. When you open up to them, they too will treat you like their daughter.

• Health issues

There are times when you might feel a bit low away from your parents. This can even lead to anxiety or depression. If you genuinely want to vent or express your feelings, speak to your mother-in-law. Don’t think twice. Tell them how you’re feeling and if they truly care, they will definitely do something to cheer you up. A lot of times newly-wed girls bottle up their feelings since they don’t know how their in-laws would react. The trick is to build a rapport from the beginning. On a day you’re not feeling well, tell them that you would like to see a doctor. Don’t hesitate.

• Playing mediator

In a marriage, it’s normal to have arguments and disagreements with your partner. The problem arises when your in-laws interfere. Politely explain to your mother-in-law that if her son and you have had a misunderstanding and it’s up to both of you to resolve it. Tell her not to play mediator or take sides. This will only worsen the matter. No matter how pure her intentions may be, her advice may not help. Informing her beforehand will help you establish healthy boundaries.

• About something you don’t like

There will be a certain level of change when you move from your home to your in-laws’ home. Perhaps they’re not as clean as your parents, they cook differently, and so on. This is why a lot of people say that marriage is a ‘big’ adjustment. In the process of adjusting, don’t accept something you don’t like. If you have an issue with a certain way things are done, express it. When I got married, there were certain foods that were made in my in-laws’ home that I didn’t enjoy. The next thing I did was to casually mention it to my mother-in-law. I put it across in a nice way so that she wouldn’t feel offended. I wouldn’t lie that I was a bit hesitant at first, but then she understood my point, and asked me why I didn’t tell her this earlier.

Conclusion

Your mother-in-law is not just your husband’s mother but your mother too now. Speak to her as if you would do to your own mother. Think of her as a friend with whom you need to develop a friendship. You can also reassure her and make her feel secure that she will always hold the first position in her son’s life. This will not just ease her nerves a bit but her approach towards you will also become more loving.